Wayne Dyer on self-empowerment

Dec. 3, 2002.


Get self-empowered with Wayne Dyer!

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, PhD, affectionately called the "father of motivation" by his fans, is one of the most respected people in the field of self-empowerment. He is the bestselling author of several self-help books, including the landmark Your Erroneous Zones. He has also appeared on TV shows such as Oprah, The Today Show and The Tonight Show.

Moderator: Sharon Aschaiek: Welcome, once again, to the Career Connection online chat. Today we will be joined by Dr. Wayne Dyer, renowned motivational speaker, accomplished author and TV personality. Job Talk columnist Ellen Goldhar will lead the chat.

Ellen: Wayne is joining us from Florida today and is thrilled that so many have submitted questions. Unfortunately we will not be able to answer all questions but we will get to as many as possible. Let's begin!

barry kopulos: I would like to know your opinion about the high-tech world we are now a very much a part of now. Do you think it has caused lot more stress as we rearrange our patterns working shifts,work on PC's,cell phones,etc all the time.?

Wayne Dyer: Hi Barry, It's something I feel strongly about. What we are in now is the information age. And there's no shortage of information, but rather an excess of it. What we have is a deficit of spirit in our lives. When we move into the age of inspiration we'll put less emphasis on form and more on connecting to God, and making our lives more peaceful. I personally write all of my books with a pen and a piece of paper. I minimize my connection to machines as much as possible, and I find that it produces much less stress and anxiety in my life.

Chairwoman of the Board (a Frank Sinatra reference): Hi Wayne: I am a semi-successful civil litigation lawyer in her early 30's but I have always dreamed of becoming a jazz singer. As I get older I wonder if I have made the right career choice (I sang quite a bit in my teens and have some technical training). Am I crazy to think this way?

Wayne Dyer: In my book Ten Secrets for Success and Inner Peace, the second secret is: Don't die with your music still in you. What you're thinking about your inner purpose in life, or inner passion, is your intuition at work. I always believed that if talking to God is called prayer, then God talking to you is called intuition. Listen to that inner voice, and don't get to the end of your life and say, 'What if my whole life has been wrong?'

Shylla, Jacob: How can I motivate students to study or to pay interest in class? How can I win back a lost oppurtnity? What does it take to be a good leader?

Wayne Dyer: I taught school at every level, from elementary school through graduate school, and I never ever had a problem in wondering if my students were motivated or paying attention, largely because I felt that I was on purpose while I was teaching. The word enthusiasm originates from the two words, "enthios" and "iasm", which translates to "the God within." When you're enthusiastic about what your doing, you will raise the energy level of everyone in your immediate environment. Secondly, motivation is also something that must come from within. It's a fallacy to believe that anyone motivates anyone else. Be an example of a motivated person, and know that all of your students will benefit from that energy.

Allan: I have been on a spirtiual path for several years now. As I am facing a possible layoff in February, I have had the most intense desire to start up my own business. The numbers make sense, the work is easy for me to do and I know it will go great. My only thing is that in one moment I feel great and in the next I am overcome with fear. What do you suggest?

Wayne Dyer: The only way to deal with a fear is to face it directly. In the book A Course in Miracles, it says there are only two emotions: love and fear. When you're in fear, you have left love behind, meaning, you have left your belief that there is a divine source that will guide you through all aspects of your life. Reconnect to your source, know that you're not alone, or, as the Course says, "If you knew who walked beside you, at all times, on this path that you have chosen, you could never experience fear again." Trust in yourself, and you're trusting in the very wisdom that created you.

Jane Humphries: What can we do to help our children cope with the abundance of information and ensure they find out who they are, instead of who they are told they should be?

Wayne Dyer: I think it's important to raise our children to think for themselves, rather than to fit into neat little compartments. A great Danish theologian said, "Once you label me, you negate me." We raise our children today to be so concerned with labels, that most of them feel negated. The qualities of self-actualization, meaning the highest level you can reach, include being independent of the good of other people, being detached from outcomes and living a life on purpose. When children are raised to be concerned about what everyone else thinks, or to fit in and become conformists in any way, or to be overly concerned with how much money they'll make, what school they'll attend or what merit badges they'll accumulate, then we are really rasing them to be anything but self actualized. The best thing we can remember about parenting is that parents are not for leaning, they are to make leaning unnecessary. This can only be done by teaching them to rely upon themselves, trust their own judgements, take responsibility for any mistakes they might make, and to deal with the consequences as well. In the Prophet, the poet reminds us "Your children are not your children, they are the products of life's longing for itself. They come through you, but not for you."

Karen: Two of the barriers I think a lot of people experience that hinder one's ability to "take control" of one's life, are; lack of focus (since we multi-task so much) and the tendency to procrastinate. What are your thoughts/advice on these common barriers?

Wayne Dyer: To me it all boils down to one word: discipline. I've often heard if you want to get something done, ask a busy person. If someone has a lot of time on their hands, they aren't focused. Busy people are people who get things done. I'm working on my 24th book, and people say 'How can you do that?' I say I feel like I'm being lazy. Focus boils down to disciplining yourself. It fits in with procrastination. There's a wonderful quote that's made a lot of sense to me, by Goethe (in Faust): "Only engage, and then the mind grows heated. Begin it, and then the work will be completed." Anything you're procrastinating about, if you just begin it, get down the 20 letters, and the letter will be completed. Procrastination is the avoidance of starting. Whatever I want to get done, if you have to clean the whole house, just start with a corner, and it will get done. Once you get engaged, action takes over.

Cindy: I work in an office environment which is very negative. My co-workers gossip all the time and everyone is always complaining. It brings down morale. How do I deal with this?

Wayne Dyer: Your question reflects an illusion. That is the belief that low energy people bring down high energy people. Every thought is an energy; some thoughts are low energy, some are high. The environment you describe is very low energy. Gossip, bitterness, anger, judgement, even hatred, all represent extremely low energy, but they can never bring down a person who lives at the higher energies. What happens in a workplace you've just described is that you react to someone else's anger by being angry at them for being angry, by hating the fact that people are gossips, by judging them for being judgemental. My book, There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem, is based upon the prayer of St. Francis. He asks: "Make me an instrument of peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is darkness, let me sow light. Where there is sadness, let me sow joy." By staying in these higher, faster energies, you will not only nullify and dissolve the negativity around you, you will convert it to love. This is the true message of all great religions. It's the message of Jesus and Buddah themselves. Try to imagine Jesus refusing to go into a negative environment for fear that it would bring him down. When Jesus entered the village, just his presence would raise the consciousness of those around him. Work at being Christ-like, Buddah-like, and note how impossible it is to have lower energies bring you down. An illusion. Bring love to the presence of hate.

Lucy: how do you get over shyness? shyness has held me back from achieving success career-wise and socially. it's become a real obstacle, especially given that I work in a profession where you're always dealing with people.

Wayne Dyer: Shyness comes from circuitous logic. This is how the circle works: It begins at the top with the statement, "I'm shy." They you move right along the circle, clockwise, and see a group of people you'd like to say hi to, then you move along the circle down past the seven or eight on the clock, and you remind yourself "I couldn't possibly do that." Then you move toward the 10 on the clock, and say "Why not?" And then at the top of the circle, "Because I'm shy." The circle has to be straightened up. You have to rid yourself of the label "I'm shy" and stop telling yourself it's impossible to do something inconsistent with that label. I would suggest you start at the top of the circle with "I am capable of approaching anyone in this world that I want to. I refuse to live in fear of what their reaction might be. I'll take the risk because I know it's important for me to grow. I'll force myself to act in non-shy ways just for this moment." In that moment, you no longer can say, "I'm shy." You have become a person who instigates conversation and approaches others without fear, one moment at a time. Soon the label will disappear altogether.

Steven: Wayne, how important is it to have goals in life? In general I feel that most of what I need or want eventually comes to me without formally setting them as a goal. Is it Ok to let things come to you instead of always going after them? Am I missing something by not spending more time focussing on this area?

Wayne Dyer: It sounds to me, Steven, like you've got it figured out. Goals are things that tie us to where we think we ought to be. I've come to a place where I trust that my connection to God and to the universe will supply all the aubndance I need. There's nothing wrong with having a goal, but it's really neurotic to fall in love with that goal. You have to be ready to shift that goal at any time, whether it comes to work, relationships, etc. If something comes out of nowhere that is particularly enticing, you have to trust it and go with it. You have to trust that you don't have to have a goal to make things work. Be open to things that God sends your way. In The Ten Secrets for Success and Inner Peace, the first secret is: Have a mind that's open to everything and attached to nothing. It's great advice.

Ellen Goldhar: Wayne, thanks for taking the time out of your more than busy schedule to chat with us. Thank you to all our Sun readers and chat participants for joining us today. Hopefully you found it as enlightening, helpful and informative as I did. Watch for more online chats in the new year.

Moderator: Sharon Aschaiek: Thanks, Wayne, and Ellen. And again, thanks to all our readers and participants. Check out Wayne live next Saturday as part of The Learning Annex event. Visit www.learningannex.com or call 1-877-277-1240 for more information. We'll announce the winners of our contest in next week's Career Connection and online at www.torontosun.com/CareerConnection.