Romance in the workplace

Given the amount of time we spend at work, it's not surprising office romances are as common as water- cooler gossip. Heck, they're a favourite topic of discussion around the water cooler. But before your flirtations turn into a full-fledged relationship, use some common sense, experts warn.

"Office romances are going to happen," says Frank L. Acuff, a management consultant who works with the Canadian Management Centre. "Our hormones don't always check for legal advice or common sense. Many people meet their significant others at work."

Before embarking on a relationship with a co-worker, do a little "scenario planning," advises Acuff, author of Shake Hands with the Devil. "What if things work out? What if things don't work out? How will that affect you and your careers? Relationships can be difficult enough. You can multiply that by 10 if it's a workplace romance."

Drawbacks include potential legal action and claims of favouritism if one of you is in a supervisory position. Reverse favouritism may come into play and you could be denied opportunities you rightfully deserve.

"The rumour mill is going to be rampant," Acuff says. And if either of you is married or separated, don't even test the romantic waters, he warns.

Though we've become more accepting of office romances, we're not push-overs. "Anecdotally, I have seen a huge change over the past couple of decades," Acuff says. "In the '70s, most companies had some policy about not dating co-workers. If that policy was violated, it was usually the woman who got fired or transferred."

Today, it's generally accepted that one person in a relationship -- married or dating -- shouldn't report to the other. "Your relationship has to pass what some people call the 'newspaper test'," Acuff says. "If you were to put all the facts, all the behaviours on the front page of The Sun, where family, friends and colleagues can read about it, how would you feel? If you're comfortable, you're probably OK. If you're not comfortable, it's probably not OK."

As a manager, it's important to address a relationship if it's impacting work. "When bosses try to adjudicate morality, they're on a very slippery road, in my opinion," Acuff says. "If the relationship impacts productivity -- if the couple is airing their dirty laundry in the workplace or coming back excessively late from lunch, for example -- there should be a conversation. If that's necessary, it's a good idea to get the HR department involved."

Lynda Reeves of Added Value Resumes agrees. She recalls managing a team of 20 people distracted by a couple behaving in a blatantly romantic way. "As a manager, your role is not to squash relationships or pass judgment. It is, plain and simple, to support all staff equally," she says.

"Support entails ensuring that those in a romance, marriage or breakup are being as professional as possible and are not behaving in a manner that adversely affects productivity and teamwork."

Before taking action, managers should contact their human resource department to ensure they fully understand any workplace guidelines regarding office relationships. Reeves encourages managers to discuss codes of conduct in department meetings. If they're not being met, meet confidentially with those involved.

If your company doesn't already have a policy about fraternization, office romance and marital relationships, consider implementing one. Without a policy, you could risk conflicts of interest or breaches of confidence through a lapse in judgment or misguided attempts to demonstrate how much one trusts another, Reeves says.

Other risks include claims of sexual harassment by either party if the relationship sours. "Remember, to avoid claims and to ensure the federal privacy policy is upheld; wording of such a policy needs to involve solid legal advice," Reeves says.

Finally, if you're in relationship that doesn't work out, remember to hold your head high. "Let the other person have dignity," Acuff says. "That allows you to have your own."

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CODE OF CONDUCT

Are you romantically involved with someone at your workplace? Lynda Reeves, communications advisor for Career Professionals of Canada, encourages you to follow your own "code of conduct" that could include the following:

- Decide what behaviour is appropriate in the workplace and what is not.

- Don't be overly affectionate to one another and don't use pet names.

- Behave in a respectful, professional manner to one another.

- Don't let what you know about one another personally impact your judgment.

- Leave anger at the door and always address one another in a courteous manner.

- Don't meet behind closed doors if not necessary. Discuss personal issues in a neutral location.

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